The fat lady is singing

My husband and I have a standing joke. I started it unexpectedly one day. He said the famous line "it's not over 'til the fat lady sings", and I immediately did a "la la la" in my best falsetto voice LOL. He asked me why I did that, and I said "cause I'm a fat lady LOL"

Well, here we are, several years later, and I'm still fat. Fatter in fact.

The thinnest I've been in the last 10 years, believe it or not, was immediately after I gave birth to my twins. I had lost weight due to being diabetic, so when I delivered them I ended up 30lbs lighter than when I had gotten pregnant. Now, here I am almost 6 years later, and 40lbs or so heavier.

Heaven knows I have plenty of reasons why I NEED to lose weight. My blood sugars are creeping up. Family history of heart problems. My clothes keep getting tighter, and yet I still don't lose weight. Why?

Everything I've been reading lately tells me that you have to figure out why you are over weight, and what keeps you from losing weight. Well, I like food. Let me rephrase that. I like the foods I like....a lot. And the majority of them aren't good for me. Lots of carbs, starchs. I'm not one to sit down with a bowl of grapes or some carrots and be satisfied. I have a thing about drinking water with meals. Tea yes, soda yes, water...not so much. Not sure why.

And exercise is a whole other issue. I like to walk, and once I start doing it I'm fine. But I can find a hundred reasons not to. Housework (which probably won't get done either), kids, tired, lazy.

The thing is, what pisses me off about dieting, is giving up the foods that I like, or at least in the quantities that I like. It's not like I'm eating 3 helpings of something (unless it's homemade mac n cheese, then all bets are off), but my idea of a helping and the real idea of a helping are usually 2 different things. I've tried weight watchers, and I've tried counting calories. WW is great, but I still feel deprived.

Maybe it's a control thing. I want to be in control and do what I want to do.

I'm beginning to think I need to do something like Jennie Craig or Nutrisystem. Give me specific foods to eat for each meal, tell me what I can have (and make it something palatable to me) and I should be good. This trying it myself thing just isn't working.

Now, I will say, I had one victory today. I didn't get the candy bar. I've gotten into the habit each afternoon of getting a candy bar...and today I didn't. I listened to my body, it wasn't hungry. It just wanted something sweet. So I passed, and drank the diet coke I had brought in. Now, I shouldn't be drinking the coke either, but I DID pass on the candy bar. Horray for me. LOL We won't discuss the bagel and cream cheese for breakfast, the cheesburger and fries for lunch (including the bun which i rarely do) and chili mac for dinner. I did have ceasar salad...not a great choice but it was green.

So here's the plan. Cut back on breads. Bump up fruits. Throw in a veggie now and then. Bump up the protein. Seems simple enough.

Why? Because I'm 43, 5'5", and 236 lbs. I have 3 beautiful children and a wonderful, if not aggravating at times, husband. I have friends and family who care about me. I need to be healthier. I want to see my grandchildren some day. I want to see my daughters walk down the aisle. I want to grow old with my husband. I have things to do.

I started this blog to keep me accountable, to give me someplace to voice my frustrations and victories. Hey, it worked for Valerie Bertinelli, why not me??? :)